


Weather The Storm

by starvonnie



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 20:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8938546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starvonnie/pseuds/starvonnie
Summary: Megatron seeks to comfort Rodimus when the guilt over what happened to Skids and Ravage became too much.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Did you know Rodimus is a great vent character? Sooo yeah this is a bit of a vent piece. It's pretty similar to a breakdown I had so it's basically a self-insert fic.

"It's not your fault."

It didn't matter how many times he repeated that to him.  It wasn't suddenly going to become true.  He wanted him to shut up.  His conjunx.  He wanted him to shut up.  Yet another way that he was a terrible bot and undeserving of his love.  Every time he said that he felt even worse.  Hated him more.  Felt the rage building in his frame.

"It's not your fault."

When his hand came to rest on his back, he finally snapped.

"Don't touch me!"  Rodimus whipped around, smacking his hand away.  Another knife jammed itself into his spark when he saw how distraught he'd made Megatron.  The ex-warlord looked lost.  Helpless.

Like he was literally only able to access those same words, he repeated, much more softly, "It's not your fault."

"Yes it is!" Rodimus screeched.  His frame shook violently.  How he was still standing, he'd never know.  "They're dead because of me!  If I had been a better captain, if I'd found us a way out of here...  I know you blame me for what happened to Ravage!"

Primus, why was he bringing it up?  It looked like he'd slapped Megatron.  Even more reasons for him to hate him.  More reasons for why he should never have a conjunx, or even friends.  Every decision he'd ever made in his life was the wrong one.  So many lead to death.  This was just two more blooming in a field beneath his marker.  He should have learned his lesson by now.

"Rodimus..."  Megatron took a half step forward, arms open, then a whole step back when Rodimus recoiled from him.  "Rodimus, I would never blame you for what happened.  Because it wasn't your fault.  I could just as easily twist this to put the blame on me.  If I had never created the DJD, they wouldn't have been able to hurt anyone.  But I did.  I regret it.  I do.  But there is no taking that back.  We cannot change the past, Rodimus.  All we can do is move forward.  All we can do is learn from our mistakes."

"I just keep making the same mistakes."  Rodimus jammed the heels of his hands into his optics and pressed hard.  Not hard enough to do any real damage.  No.  Rodimus was too much of a coward to do anything too final.  He just relished in the brief pain it brought, while Megatron suffered from watching his conjunx inflict this upon himself.

"Please, Rodimus," Megatron begged.  What a familiar situation.  The same mistakes repeated over and over.  Nothing changing.  "Hurting yourself won't do anyone any good."

"It helps!" Rodimus snapped.  But he removed his hands and let his optics flicker back to life. 

"A caring touch will help even more," Megatron pleaded with him.  "And Rodimus... nothing can bring them back.  We just have to accept that."

"I don't want to accept it!"  Rodimus whipped around to look at Megatron.  That was another mistake.  His darkened optics, his deflated frame.  Rodimus didn't want to see him like that.  Even through his one online optic.  He didn't want to hurt him.  But he was hurting him.  That was all he was good at.

Megatron made another plea with his conjunx.  A silent one this time.  He hardly even looked at him as he opened his arms once more.  He looked more vulnerable than the day they had bonded. 

Rodimus ran into his arms.  Arms that hugged him tightly, and then even tighter when the two of them fell to their knees.  Far more tightly than Rodimus deserved.

"You shouldn't be around me," Rodimus whispered.  "I'll just get you killed."

Megatron didn't say anything.  He just hugged him even tighter.  It bordered on a threshold of pain that Rodimus took far too much delight in.  It would be fitting if Megatron crushed him to death.  He should have finished the job off long ago.

"My Sun," Megatron whispered, voice thick with emotion.  "It pains me to see you hurting."

"See?  I'll just end up hurting you."  But Rodimus didn't pull away from him.  No matter how undeserving of his comfort he felt.  No matter how much he was undeserving of his love.  He wanted it. 

"I can take it." 

"You shouldn't have to."

"Because you don't hurt me, Rodimus."  Megatron pulled Rodimus' helm into the safety of his neck.  "You never have, and even if you do, I can take it.  We can weather whatever storm falls upon us.  My Sun will always come out.  He will always outshine the rain."

"I am the storm, though," Rodimus whispered.  "I'm no Sun.  I'm a hurricane.  I destroy everything in my path."

"Sometimes the Sun is cruel."  Megatron's voice was right in his audial.  So quiet that only Rodimus could hear him.  "Sometimes it burns for days on end without a cloud in sight.  But that is only so we remember to appreciate the rain when it comes.  Sometimes the sunlight will not be welcomed, but we cannot deny that life could not exist without it.  And just as we would be lost without the Sun, our crew would be lost without you."

"Tell that to Getaway," Rodimus hissed.  "And he's clearly not alone."

Megatron was quiet for a moment.  "I worry our union has only brought misery to you.  You know as well as I do that there would have never been a mutiny were I not aboard the Lost Light.  So if you need someone to put the blame on, let it be me.  No one will notice the difference in that field."

"We don't get to decide where the flowers bloom."  Rodimus gripped Megatron's back hard.  "I know they're beneath my marker.  It's where they belong."

"Please, Rodimus."

Rodimus felt a hand on his chin, gently trying to make him look up.

"I'm just a mistake," Rodimus said bitterly.  "And you're biggest mistake was ever becoming conjunx with me."

Though it hurt, Rodimus finally got the response he was expecting.  Megatron released him, and Rodimus was all but ready to retreat... somewhere.  He didn't really know where he was going to go, but he'd find someplace.  Somewhere no one could find him.  But then, he felt a hand on his cheek.  A thumb carefully stroking it.

"Please look at me, Rodimus," Megatron begged.

Rodimus swallowed around the lump in his throat.  He should just let him go.  He was the reason his hand was shaking.  Why he was so distressed.  If he freed him, he could be happy.  But Rodimus was selfish.  He wanted Megatron all to himself.  How could he say he loved him if he didn't let him be happy?

"Please," Megatron repeated, much more softly. 

Rodimus gave into that request.  He met Megatron's optics.  The red was dark and flickering.  Full of love and relief.

Megatron took hold of both of his hands, keeping them safe in his hold.  Until he let them leave the safety for just a moment so he could place a kiss upon them both.  A gesture Rodimus did not deserve.

"I've made so many mistakes," Megatron said into their hands.  He placed them over his spark before he said his next words.  To let Rodimus know that they came from the spark.  That what he was saying was as far from a lie as could be possible.  "But you're not one of them."

Maybe it was the catch in his voice.  Maybe it was the fact that Rodimus could feel Megatron's terrified spark pounding, even with their combined hands shaking.  Whatever it was, Rodimus believed him.  He believed the sincerity in his optics. 

"Can I--"  Rodimus swallowed.  The lump was still there, but he'd moved it enough to speak again.  "Can I get another hug?"

"Of course."  It came out as a rush of relieved air from Megatron's vents.  The crushing hug felt good for all of the right reasons this time.  He still relished a little too much in the pain, but that was just something he'd need to work on.

"I love you, Rodimus.  I'm going to tell you even if you don't believe me right now."

All Rodimus could do was shake and be held.

"It's not your fault," Megatron said again. 

"Okay," Rodimus agreed, albeit barely above a whisper.

Rodimus didn't know how long they were there for.  Nor did he know when Megatron picked him up.  He vaguely remembered being carried, but it was all a hazy blur.  It was dark now, but warm.  Warm because Megatron was curled around him on a recharge slab.  All the emotions that had been coursing through his frame and out through his field had numbed.  Only the warmth of his conjunx remained.

"Rest, Rodimus," Megatron coaxed.  "There's nothing more for you to do right now.  Rest."

"Thank you," Rodimus murmured.

It still took Rodimus a while after that to fall asleep.  The bad feelings kept rising up until Megatron whisked them away with kind words and gentle caresses.  He'd never understand why he'd come to care for him so much.  They had been enemies, and then rivals.  He never imagined that conjunx would have been next on that list.  But he was glad nonetheless.

"I will be here when you wake up," Megatron promised.  "I won't leave you."

_You should_ , flashed through Rodimus' processor.  He squeezed his optics shut and forced the thought away.  It wasn't easy, but the arms encircling him was certainly helping.

"Thank you," he whispered again.

There was silence for a long while.  Nothing but long and deep ventilations broke it.  They didn't even shift.  Even when Rodimus' arm started to tingle.  He didn't want to move and risk Megatron changing his mind.  He didn't want to be an inconvenience.  Or rather, more of an inconvenience.

But then there was a hum.  At least, that's what Rodimus thought it was at first.  Some piece of machinery coming on.  Eventually he realized it was coming from Megatron, so he lifted his helm a little, until he could see his dim and half-shuttered optics. 

When his conjunx met his gaze, the sound grew louder, and then Rodimus realized it was a melody.  Megatron was singing.  Low and deep.  He could hear more of the melody now, but he couldn't make out the words.  They were doing wonders for lulling him into recharge.

Megatron paused his singing just for a moment to murmur, "My beautiful Sun."  Rodimus almost missed it, because right after that, he fell asleep.


End file.
